Unloved

It really sucks when you know that you are inadequate for your spouse.I do feel that my spouse is still longing for someone in her past.We do not have sex regularly.It’s as if I have to get down on my knees and beg for her to just sleep with me.In our early relationship days, we went out with her friends to eat. One of her friends saw a picture on her phone and asked “Who is that?”She just shrugged and said “Don’t mind him”(referring to me).I have been humiliated and “stabbed” in the heart at that very moment.On another day, her phone rang and it read “just an ex”.Billions of thoughts ran through my mind that time.Questions like are they still in contact?Do they text regularly?And all of those things.At one time, I was scanning our hard drive and I saw a picture of her and a guy from her past.Thing is, she saved it eventhough we are already married.When I touch her, it’s as if she is allergic to me.She made it up to me a couple of times but it was just good at first then same thing happens again.To her, other people are more important than me.I’m sick and tired of being second best.I am not an awful person.But why do I always have to beg for love and compassion?I hope I get over this because I feel that I am at my breaking point.I am afraid that I might burst and do things that I will regret.I work so hard for her and our daughter.I don’t deserve this kind of treatment.Sometimes I feel like I want to punch someone.I want to get into a bar fight or random brawl just to get the anger out of my system.I just want to burst right now.