No reason why

I hate waking up to new day and going to bed unable to sleep because I can’t stop thinking about what went wrong? I have been depressed for over a decade and the feelings Just get worse the older I get. There is no reason or trigger … absolutely nothing causing me to feel this low which makes it worse. I still wake up hoping for the one day I don’t wake up. No one knows, I’ve hidden it this whole time and I don’t want my family and friends knowing. I don’t want them giving me advice that won’t help and telling me to go to the gp so they can give me pills that won’t work. I need a reason for feeling like this! Then maybe I can start helping myself.